I am God.
I came from:
Nothing.
I achieved Creation.
Self-congratulatory
infinity handshake.
I am never together nor
broken
whole or
empty or
lost
but
always
found
at the most convenient (of) Time(s).
I am nothing which is everything
and Everything that is Nothing.
you worship Me.
I am God and God is an atheist
God is human, indivisible from All
God is not human, praying to black-hole altars.
What is it about Me that inspires you to give up?
What is it about Anyone, I and You.
What is It?
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
There are days when I don't even know how to smile.
Start in the middle of sentences.
Don't. get. used to it.
Dice it up - this is the knife's kill set.
You're a garnish
not the protein
but there is no
dish
without your presence.
You're the gossip on the side
and you usually don't get eaten.
No one wants to digest you,
they're not adventurous enough
gnash gnash gnash zing without a thought.
You don't want to need them
but then again
what is the point of being prepared
if no one will ever enjoy you?
It's all for no. You're just for show.
Don't. get. used to it.
Dice it up - this is the knife's kill set.
You're a garnish
not the protein
but there is no
dish
without your presence.
You're the gossip on the side
and you usually don't get eaten.
No one wants to digest you,
they're not adventurous enough
gnash gnash gnash zing without a thought.
You don't want to need them
but then again
what is the point of being prepared
if no one will ever enjoy you?
It's all for no. You're just for show.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
fair e tail
once upon a time there was a horse.
he didn’t know what kind he was. laymen experts told him friesian, but that didn’t make any sense. whenever the horse looked at his reflection in the pond, he saw some kind of mix breed with a shaggy mane. long face, big teeth, sad eyes. the horse hated his reflection but it seemed all he could do after his work in the fields was lay by the pond and neigh at the water.
the horse had two best friends: kitty and duck. kitty was the most beautiful animal the horse had ever seen, regal posture, piercing eyes, the shiniest coat and a confident disposition. sometimes the horse wished he was a cat too, and then they would run away together. but surely that was preposterous. even the other horses wanted nothing to do with him, how could changing his shape possibly make him worthy of kitty’s affections?
the duck was one of the smartest and most interesting animals horse had met. funny, smart, talented and driven. sometimes his feathers got ruffled over small things, but at those times horse or kitty just made a joke and duck would laugh. they were an unlikely trio in the animal world but their dynamic worked. three best friends.
at sunset, all three retired to their respective beds. one of hay, one a nest, and kitty sometimes slept in the barn rafters. she said she liked being up high, that it was exhilarating, but secretly she slept there to keep an eye on horse when she was worried about him.
one afternoon after a particularly hard day in the fields, the horse met a bunny.
it wasn’t just any bunny. horse had met plenty of bunnies in his time, make no mistake. there was something about this one, however, he couldn’t exactly place his hoof on. but the bunny was different and charming and horse liked him immediately. an hour after their first greeting, it was like they’d been friends since babyhood.
the bunny visited the horse after work for three days, each day they talked longer and about deeper things. horse confessed thoughts, feelings and opinions that even kitty and duck didn’t know about! why? horse wasn’t really sure. perhaps no one had asked before. but horse was drawn to bunny in a way he’d never connected to anyone before.
on the fourth day, the bunny said: ”what if i told you i could turn you into a bunny?”
the horse was ecstatic at the very notion! “i would say please turn me into a bunny! i wouldn’t have to work in the fields anymore, and i could be with you all the time!”
the bunny smiled at this, and told horse to follow him into the thicket. on the way, the bunny explained how he was magic. the horse was absolutely dazzled! a magic bunny! about to turn him into a bunny! all his problems and loneliness were to be solved! but once they were in the thicket, bunny revealed the limitations of his magic. he could only turn the horse into a bunny for one hour a day, and only if the horse verbally asked him to. horse neighed and shook his mane at first, but then agreed. something was better than nothing right?
and so, the bunny turned the horse into a bunny. for one hour.
the first hour was nothing short of thrilling. the horse got to see what the world looked like from a lower angle, and he could actually talk to the bugs crawling in the dirt and not have to worry about warning them to vacate if he wanted to nibble some greens. it was amazing! everything was so big and wonderful, the colors were brighter, everything seemed like an adventure! and horse still had bunny by his side, but his literal side this time - they were the same size now! after an hour of frolicking through the forest, horse turned back into a horse.
“that was grand! i can’t wait to do it again tomorrow! i miss you already!” horse told the bunny.
and so, every day for two weeks the horse cantered merrily from work to the pond to meet his bunny. and they would walk into the thicket together and play from there, both as bunnies. it was so wonderful, the horse awoke everyday with hearts in his eyes and counted the minutes until he saw bunny again. those were the best hours of his life.
at the start of week three, something went terribly wrong. bunny tipped the potion over horse’s hoof as usual but horse did not turn into a bunny. all he did was grow ears!
“what happened to me?!” the horse panicked, immediately galloping away to stare at his reflection in the pond. he hadn’t looked at himself in two weeks, always too busy chattering with his friends and anticipating his time with bunny. he was horrified by what he saw and demanded with tears in his eyes that bunny fix him. the bunny apologized profusely, he didn’t know what had gone wrong. perhaps he’d accidentally mixed the potion incorrectly? imbalance was a true enemy of forest magic, after all.
the bunny successfully made the ears disappear, but the horse did not then ask him to be changed into a bunny. the process scared him now. if that could so easily go wrong, what else could go wrong?! the next day, bunny apologized again and promised horse it was just a freak accident. that the horse could really trust him. horse needed a few days to recover, however, and bunny respected this decision and left horse alone.
although he had chosen it, those days were the loneliest horse had ever felt. he was slacking in the fields and complained of excruciating chest aches when he sat with kitty and duck by the pond in the afternoons. meanwhile, from afar it didn’t even seem like the bunny missed him at all. he didn’t visit or send any messages and when horse did see him it was across the pond with other bunnies. this just made horse seethe with jealousy. why did life seem so much easier for bunnies?
“this is ridiculous. horse, i can’t wade here in silence one minute longer!” duck quacked angrily from the sprinkle of lillypads he was floating in. “you love the bunny but you’re afraid of his magic! but you can only be a bunny for an hour at a time anyway, so what is the point? you should be spending your time finding a fellow horse that is just as wonderful!”
“there are no horses just as wonderful! the bunny is the most perfect creature i’ve ever met!”
“maybe he has magic that could turn him into a horse?” kitty suggested, casting the horse and duck a certain flavor of glance over her paw. to her, it was obvious.
“kitty you’re a genius. yes, this is the answer to all of our problems!”
kitty and duck looked at each other, worried once more as horse trotted happily into the thicket, a place he hadn’t ventured in many days. they knew this wasn’t a good idea, but being his friends they knew they should support him. horse had to live his own life, make his own mistakes and learn his own lessons.
when the horse found his bunny he asked to be changed. so the bunny changed him, happy that the horse had finally come to his senses. “i missed you so much,” said the bunny, and the horse agreed, and they spent the next hour simply cuddling with each other and whispering secrets.
three glorious days (and bunny hours) later, horse worked up the nerve to ask bunny if he had the kind of magic kitty had suggested. the bunny said that he did have it, but there were rules. if he changed himself into another animal in the name of love, he could only do it once and never be able to change into anything else ever again.
“so i’d rather just change you and other animals into bunnies,” he explained.
“but i love you!” the horse cried. “i thought you loved me!”
“i do love you, horse. but i can’t change for you. just as you can’t change for me. i’m sorry.”
the horse was crushed. he hadn’t even waited to change back into his natural form before hopping out of the thicket in despair. how could the bunny do this to him? how could the bunny break his heart? when you love an animal aren’t they supposed to love you back? isn’t it supposed to be forever? the horse was so conflicted and upset. he returned to his barn stall and wept, kitty watching desperately from above. he didn’t work the next day. he didn’t visit the pond for a week.
the day that he did, however, the sun seemed brighter than usual. perhaps it was because of his swollen eyes, but he wasn’t so sure. in general colors appeared brighter, the grass a little sweeter when he nibbled it. and when he laid by the pond to wait for his friends, horse forgot to stare at his reflection. he was enjoying the cloud shapes instead.
when kitty and duck arrived, the three of them discussed the usual things. their days, the weather, funny stories, other animals, various frustrations, their opinions on issues. it was like any other day, like all the days they had spent together. but there was a figurative elephant present and during an unplanned silence kitty was inspired to ask the horse about bunny.
“he’s over there,” the horse said, motioning across the pond. his bunny and another bunny were hopping through a wild garden of flowers together. “i miss him.”
“i hate him. he hurt you. who wouldn’t want to be a horse for you?” kitty purred wickedly.
“it’s not his fault. he’s a bunny. we’re different. that’s what i love about him. i think i will always love him but i would rather he be a happy bunny than an unhappy horse.”
“what about you? are you an unhappy horse?” the duck asked, waddling over to rest his beak on the horse’s knee. kitty had curled up in the horse’s leg already.
“no, i don’t think so. not anymore. bunny taught me a lot of things about myself that i didn’t realize before. and i felt feelings i never had before. maybe our time was short, but it was very meaningful. i hope i find another horse to love someday, but even if i don’t it doesn’t take away from my life as a whole. i still have you as my best friends. i still consider bunny my best friend. it will hurt for a long time but i think it’s okay. i think, in some ways, it’s okay to hurt.”
kitty and duck had never heard horse speak so honestly. and they loved him more for it. he was brave to give his heart to a bunny. and secretly they both knew the horse would keep his faith in the bunny. maybe someday they would end up together. maybe. but sooner than that the horse knew they would be the very best of friends. the horse would do anything for his friends.
that night, the moon shone through the cracks in the barn roof on the horse, the duck and the kitty. all three slept in the hay together. and it was how they would sleep from that day forward.
he didn’t know what kind he was. laymen experts told him friesian, but that didn’t make any sense. whenever the horse looked at his reflection in the pond, he saw some kind of mix breed with a shaggy mane. long face, big teeth, sad eyes. the horse hated his reflection but it seemed all he could do after his work in the fields was lay by the pond and neigh at the water.
the horse had two best friends: kitty and duck. kitty was the most beautiful animal the horse had ever seen, regal posture, piercing eyes, the shiniest coat and a confident disposition. sometimes the horse wished he was a cat too, and then they would run away together. but surely that was preposterous. even the other horses wanted nothing to do with him, how could changing his shape possibly make him worthy of kitty’s affections?
the duck was one of the smartest and most interesting animals horse had met. funny, smart, talented and driven. sometimes his feathers got ruffled over small things, but at those times horse or kitty just made a joke and duck would laugh. they were an unlikely trio in the animal world but their dynamic worked. three best friends.
at sunset, all three retired to their respective beds. one of hay, one a nest, and kitty sometimes slept in the barn rafters. she said she liked being up high, that it was exhilarating, but secretly she slept there to keep an eye on horse when she was worried about him.
one afternoon after a particularly hard day in the fields, the horse met a bunny.
it wasn’t just any bunny. horse had met plenty of bunnies in his time, make no mistake. there was something about this one, however, he couldn’t exactly place his hoof on. but the bunny was different and charming and horse liked him immediately. an hour after their first greeting, it was like they’d been friends since babyhood.
the bunny visited the horse after work for three days, each day they talked longer and about deeper things. horse confessed thoughts, feelings and opinions that even kitty and duck didn’t know about! why? horse wasn’t really sure. perhaps no one had asked before. but horse was drawn to bunny in a way he’d never connected to anyone before.
on the fourth day, the bunny said: ”what if i told you i could turn you into a bunny?”
the horse was ecstatic at the very notion! “i would say please turn me into a bunny! i wouldn’t have to work in the fields anymore, and i could be with you all the time!”
the bunny smiled at this, and told horse to follow him into the thicket. on the way, the bunny explained how he was magic. the horse was absolutely dazzled! a magic bunny! about to turn him into a bunny! all his problems and loneliness were to be solved! but once they were in the thicket, bunny revealed the limitations of his magic. he could only turn the horse into a bunny for one hour a day, and only if the horse verbally asked him to. horse neighed and shook his mane at first, but then agreed. something was better than nothing right?
and so, the bunny turned the horse into a bunny. for one hour.
the first hour was nothing short of thrilling. the horse got to see what the world looked like from a lower angle, and he could actually talk to the bugs crawling in the dirt and not have to worry about warning them to vacate if he wanted to nibble some greens. it was amazing! everything was so big and wonderful, the colors were brighter, everything seemed like an adventure! and horse still had bunny by his side, but his literal side this time - they were the same size now! after an hour of frolicking through the forest, horse turned back into a horse.
“that was grand! i can’t wait to do it again tomorrow! i miss you already!” horse told the bunny.
and so, every day for two weeks the horse cantered merrily from work to the pond to meet his bunny. and they would walk into the thicket together and play from there, both as bunnies. it was so wonderful, the horse awoke everyday with hearts in his eyes and counted the minutes until he saw bunny again. those were the best hours of his life.
at the start of week three, something went terribly wrong. bunny tipped the potion over horse’s hoof as usual but horse did not turn into a bunny. all he did was grow ears!
“what happened to me?!” the horse panicked, immediately galloping away to stare at his reflection in the pond. he hadn’t looked at himself in two weeks, always too busy chattering with his friends and anticipating his time with bunny. he was horrified by what he saw and demanded with tears in his eyes that bunny fix him. the bunny apologized profusely, he didn’t know what had gone wrong. perhaps he’d accidentally mixed the potion incorrectly? imbalance was a true enemy of forest magic, after all.
the bunny successfully made the ears disappear, but the horse did not then ask him to be changed into a bunny. the process scared him now. if that could so easily go wrong, what else could go wrong?! the next day, bunny apologized again and promised horse it was just a freak accident. that the horse could really trust him. horse needed a few days to recover, however, and bunny respected this decision and left horse alone.
although he had chosen it, those days were the loneliest horse had ever felt. he was slacking in the fields and complained of excruciating chest aches when he sat with kitty and duck by the pond in the afternoons. meanwhile, from afar it didn’t even seem like the bunny missed him at all. he didn’t visit or send any messages and when horse did see him it was across the pond with other bunnies. this just made horse seethe with jealousy. why did life seem so much easier for bunnies?
“this is ridiculous. horse, i can’t wade here in silence one minute longer!” duck quacked angrily from the sprinkle of lillypads he was floating in. “you love the bunny but you’re afraid of his magic! but you can only be a bunny for an hour at a time anyway, so what is the point? you should be spending your time finding a fellow horse that is just as wonderful!”
“there are no horses just as wonderful! the bunny is the most perfect creature i’ve ever met!”
“maybe he has magic that could turn him into a horse?” kitty suggested, casting the horse and duck a certain flavor of glance over her paw. to her, it was obvious.
“kitty you’re a genius. yes, this is the answer to all of our problems!”
kitty and duck looked at each other, worried once more as horse trotted happily into the thicket, a place he hadn’t ventured in many days. they knew this wasn’t a good idea, but being his friends they knew they should support him. horse had to live his own life, make his own mistakes and learn his own lessons.
when the horse found his bunny he asked to be changed. so the bunny changed him, happy that the horse had finally come to his senses. “i missed you so much,” said the bunny, and the horse agreed, and they spent the next hour simply cuddling with each other and whispering secrets.
three glorious days (and bunny hours) later, horse worked up the nerve to ask bunny if he had the kind of magic kitty had suggested. the bunny said that he did have it, but there were rules. if he changed himself into another animal in the name of love, he could only do it once and never be able to change into anything else ever again.
“so i’d rather just change you and other animals into bunnies,” he explained.
“but i love you!” the horse cried. “i thought you loved me!”
“i do love you, horse. but i can’t change for you. just as you can’t change for me. i’m sorry.”
the horse was crushed. he hadn’t even waited to change back into his natural form before hopping out of the thicket in despair. how could the bunny do this to him? how could the bunny break his heart? when you love an animal aren’t they supposed to love you back? isn’t it supposed to be forever? the horse was so conflicted and upset. he returned to his barn stall and wept, kitty watching desperately from above. he didn’t work the next day. he didn’t visit the pond for a week.
the day that he did, however, the sun seemed brighter than usual. perhaps it was because of his swollen eyes, but he wasn’t so sure. in general colors appeared brighter, the grass a little sweeter when he nibbled it. and when he laid by the pond to wait for his friends, horse forgot to stare at his reflection. he was enjoying the cloud shapes instead.
when kitty and duck arrived, the three of them discussed the usual things. their days, the weather, funny stories, other animals, various frustrations, their opinions on issues. it was like any other day, like all the days they had spent together. but there was a figurative elephant present and during an unplanned silence kitty was inspired to ask the horse about bunny.
“he’s over there,” the horse said, motioning across the pond. his bunny and another bunny were hopping through a wild garden of flowers together. “i miss him.”
“i hate him. he hurt you. who wouldn’t want to be a horse for you?” kitty purred wickedly.
“it’s not his fault. he’s a bunny. we’re different. that’s what i love about him. i think i will always love him but i would rather he be a happy bunny than an unhappy horse.”
“what about you? are you an unhappy horse?” the duck asked, waddling over to rest his beak on the horse’s knee. kitty had curled up in the horse’s leg already.
“no, i don’t think so. not anymore. bunny taught me a lot of things about myself that i didn’t realize before. and i felt feelings i never had before. maybe our time was short, but it was very meaningful. i hope i find another horse to love someday, but even if i don’t it doesn’t take away from my life as a whole. i still have you as my best friends. i still consider bunny my best friend. it will hurt for a long time but i think it’s okay. i think, in some ways, it’s okay to hurt.”
kitty and duck had never heard horse speak so honestly. and they loved him more for it. he was brave to give his heart to a bunny. and secretly they both knew the horse would keep his faith in the bunny. maybe someday they would end up together. maybe. but sooner than that the horse knew they would be the very best of friends. the horse would do anything for his friends.
that night, the moon shone through the cracks in the barn roof on the horse, the duck and the kitty. all three slept in the hay together. and it was how they would sleep from that day forward.
I don't know where I've gone.
This is the sound of silence
of giving up hope once more
Always breaking promises.
Is the world ending? I'm aching.
Funny how the most human stories
are told by puppets & fish.
I want to reach into the soft underbelly
of the little girl I once was
Twist her insides and shake her until
all the brass pennies fall and the
weight from the sparkles in her pupils are lifted.
You were so good
You didn't have to be
everything they thought you should.
And now what is the answer
Don't cry over spilled paint on denim
Smile about it and remember
What bravado you had before the world crushed it like a bug
Head to thorax, folded in.
I guess the moral of the emptiness is that it will never be
Never ever be
As good as it is in my head.
of giving up hope once more
Always breaking promises.
Is the world ending? I'm aching.
Funny how the most human stories
are told by puppets & fish.
I want to reach into the soft underbelly
of the little girl I once was
Twist her insides and shake her until
all the brass pennies fall and the
weight from the sparkles in her pupils are lifted.
You were so good
You didn't have to be
everything they thought you should.
And now what is the answer
Don't cry over spilled paint on denim
Smile about it and remember
What bravado you had before the world crushed it like a bug
Head to thorax, folded in.
I guess the moral of the emptiness is that it will never be
Never ever be
As good as it is in my head.
Monday, May 16, 2011
formerly: romeo+juliet | now: compartmentaleyezd
dear everyone i ever knew
to whom it may concern is
to whom i may concern and
to whom this may concern is
you.
romeo and juliet met under the sea. fingertips touched and bubbles escaped from corners of smiles. pure until they couldn't breathe. ethereal until they drowned.
fascination realization suffocation
they wanted to continue staring but it hurt too much. only there for a minute; it was all in their heads. two hearts had never beat so fast.
ankles and anvils are a
foolish devious determined
mix next to bodies of water. you're 90% of what engulfs you
the tide the waves the weight
red stripe pinched skin cool burn and you're gone. sink until your lungs give out and that's giving in and that's giving up. you are your own darkness, you dig your own trench, and the anvil is shackled to your mental house arrest bracelet.
goodbye slowly.
tybalt and benvolio walk into a gay bar. not supposed to because their families are naughty neighbors and their cousins died on the inside leading by example. don't care though because fuck other people and fuck what they think they know when all they know is themselves and the black spots projected onto morning breath reflections.
you want me i want you don't want me i want you don't go stay with me i want you don't want me i want this is not fair trade me for him i want you to stay with me i love you don't do this is not fair trade me for her i want you don't want me please tell me you want me i want you love
them.
them.
them.
them.
them.
them
them.
words don't exist for how i feel but i write them.
i try anyway.
meaning is meaning whether it can be communicated or not. meaning isn't always present in perfect people packages so those used to bows and wrapped boxes on holiday mornings may be in for a disappointment or two.
i'm not sorry for feeling but i'm sorry you can't understand. not sorry for feeling, not sorry you won't understand. there's a point when it's my eyes and my heartbeat and my trust and if you don't have faith in that you don't have faith in me.
is aching like snowflakes, is it special or is it all the same. if it's all the same why doesn't the medicine always work and why do some people jump and some don't and why can some people stop cutting while others dig deeper. dunno which category i'm in yet but i see beautiful things that i want and i can't have them because i know they'll shatter.
you're a riedel, i'm a bed of nails.
i've got the midas touch.
there's a war in my head and behind that a debate. civil discourse is for the birds, we're going all out baby. there is a tide in the affairs of me and it's soul and it's just about all washed up.
to whom it may concern is
to whom i may concern and
to whom this may concern is
you.
romeo and juliet met under the sea. fingertips touched and bubbles escaped from corners of smiles. pure until they couldn't breathe. ethereal until they drowned.
fascination realization suffocation
they wanted to continue staring but it hurt too much. only there for a minute; it was all in their heads. two hearts had never beat so fast.
ankles and anvils are a
foolish devious determined
mix next to bodies of water. you're 90% of what engulfs you
the tide the waves the weight
red stripe pinched skin cool burn and you're gone. sink until your lungs give out and that's giving in and that's giving up. you are your own darkness, you dig your own trench, and the anvil is shackled to your mental house arrest bracelet.
goodbye slowly.
tybalt and benvolio walk into a gay bar. not supposed to because their families are naughty neighbors and their cousins died on the inside leading by example. don't care though because fuck other people and fuck what they think they know when all they know is themselves and the black spots projected onto morning breath reflections.
you want me i want you don't want me i want you don't go stay with me i want you don't want me i want this is not fair trade me for him i want you to stay with me i love you don't do this is not fair trade me for her i want you don't want me please tell me you want me i want you love
them.
them.
them.
them.
them.
them
them.
words don't exist for how i feel but i write them.
i try anyway.
meaning is meaning whether it can be communicated or not. meaning isn't always present in perfect people packages so those used to bows and wrapped boxes on holiday mornings may be in for a disappointment or two.
i'm not sorry for feeling but i'm sorry you can't understand. not sorry for feeling, not sorry you won't understand. there's a point when it's my eyes and my heartbeat and my trust and if you don't have faith in that you don't have faith in me.
is aching like snowflakes, is it special or is it all the same. if it's all the same why doesn't the medicine always work and why do some people jump and some don't and why can some people stop cutting while others dig deeper. dunno which category i'm in yet but i see beautiful things that i want and i can't have them because i know they'll shatter.
you're a riedel, i'm a bed of nails.
i've got the midas touch.
there's a war in my head and behind that a debate. civil discourse is for the birds, we're going all out baby. there is a tide in the affairs of me and it's soul and it's just about all washed up.
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