Friday, June 27, 2008
i am the nothing
when did i go from a tour de force to fleshy worthless sand lump when, did my heart of gold turn to copper. don't want to believe it's a fool's rush. sewn together lies make the warmest quilt. if i say i'm alive i'm kidding myself. is it a mood swing or way of life. the knowledge is there but the proof is not. that's what faith is i suppose and i suppose i do suppose that if i can cry there must be potential. i spent so long lying to myself to survive i now can't survive without lying to myself. no one can understand your own head so i put my heart now in the hands of distraction and hope for the best. i'd pray for the best but i think god's a little miffed with me. failed to keep my promises, you see. then again i thought he was there, but i guess it's just me. just me by myself that's how it's to be.
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You are everything too, honest to yourself and out loud for everyone to see. You're inside my ears, speaking of god, something i qasn't sure was acceptable. You're in and out in this one, alone and together, locked in your bedroom and with the attic spirits, dead and roaming, good and evil, kind and rough, happy and angry, empty and fulfilled, asking questions and answering them. Many times we see more in the dark and with our eyes closed than we do in the light of day. I love the evening, twilight, midnight, and the minutes just before dusk the most. I hear everyone sleeping then, as peaceful as they will ever be. You'll never be nothing, but then that's the irony of life.
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