Do you ever feel like you're trapped in your own skin? You know you're a person, and you know you can feel. But emotions escape you. Reality is fleeting. I'm in a dream. My spirit died in '07 and took my libido with it. Which pisses me off. I know who I want, where I want to be, what I want to do. I don't want to ever stand in my shower losing myself in steam fantasizing what-ifs again. I should stop doing this in my car too because I'm going to get in an accident and die on my way to work and never have the chance to fix anything. I know what's attainable and what's not. But if I immerse myself in them now I will be doing the one thing I promised to never do. Leave you. I don't want to leave you. Even if we don't call it that, even if it's only temporary. That is what I believe you will believe in my heart of hearts. Forgive me if I act like an insane and selfish twat. I'm just trying to figure out how to do this the right way. I don't want you to be my prison. I want you to be my home.
-1/27/09
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